yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
