Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
