i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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