I wanna bring you to show and tell
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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