people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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