wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
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