So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
