I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
