Where did you get a picture of my penis
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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