there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
