i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
