She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
