That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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