Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
