is wine microwaveable?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
