you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
