Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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