wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
