I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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