We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
