Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
