He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
