Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
