K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
