This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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