swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
