my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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