I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just gargled with NyQuil
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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