How'd it feel making her break her religion?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
