Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Randomize
