If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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