oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
