i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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