I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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