You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Randomize
