Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
