i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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