I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
