I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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