I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
