Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
two words: eviction party
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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