East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
then he tried to convert me to islam
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
