i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
