oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
