We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
