I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
