Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
