halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
