I think my vagina is haunted
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
