i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
