Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
