quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Blood and glitter go together right?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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